Things are not as they once were. It is time for me to make changes in my life, changes to better myself as a person. Where will these changes start?

My childhood best friend was married on the 1st. I missed the ceremony but showed up in time for the reception. It is so strange to see the little girl you played with throughout your entire childhood suddenly grown up and dressed in white and on the arm of her new husband. I was happy, sad, nostalgic. She was my partner in crime for so many years. The girl I could always count on to play Barbies and write stories with. Most memories I have (before age 11) have her (and her sister) in them. And even after 10 years of barely speaking, we fit together (the three of us) seamlessly when we're brought back into each others' arms. I've missed them. I have missed them.

At the wedding I caught the bouquet and this makes me think long and hard. It makes me think about whether or not I am ready to change my life as drastically as I could. The girl who catches the bride's bouquet is said to be the next to marry. This is silly, yes, but there is someone waiting in the wings to whisk me away to wedded bliss. It is not impossible. I know that he is there and that he wants it. And I want it too. It has been a waiting game these last 3.5 years, both of us waiting patiently for the time to come when we were ready for each other. I still am not sure that I am ready. I see Marie and Jon and Carolyn and Tim and think about how they are all so young, so young and married and how they will probably be married for the rest of their lives, to each other. I don't question or doubt their abilities to make their marriages work, to be faithful and content forever. But, there is no rush for me to run away and wed this mystery waiting boy. There is no rush because even though I sometimes fear that we will lose each other, that someone will win one of us from the other, I know that it won't happen. I know that when all is said and done, I will spend the rest of my life lying next to him, holding him, having his children.

There is so much love between us and there always has been. Always. Is it wrong for us to bide our time with others who have no chance of being a part of our lives forever? Maybe I am a horrible person. Or maybe I am just like the rest of the world's lovers.

Learning to Love You More is probably one of the most amazing websites I have come across in the last FOREVER. I have been posting assignments there for the last week or so. I recommend you check it out, and of course, below are links to my posted assignments.

#53 - Give advice to yourself in the past.

#52 - Write the phone call you wish you could have.

#50 - Take a flash photo under your bed.

#44 - Make a "LTLYM assignment."

#40 - Heal yourself.

Enjoy them. Please! And do some yourself!